His Sanctuary
by StarlingChild4
Summary: The night after Zero gets his tattoo, he is haunted with memories and self-loathing. But Yuki, his one light in his darkest moments, is always there to pick up the pieces... Oneshot. Canon/Pre-canon. [COMPLETE]


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight or Zero Kiryu or Zeki. But BOY, do they own my heart! **_

_**Author's Note: *see fangirling at the end* T**__**his oneshot was inspired by a "sharing blanket" request from cammysansstuff on Tumblr, aka, ****Taiguery Madisen, aka, Tai-chan! Bless her! **_

_**TW: mention of self-harming and implications of suicidal tendencies, but in the same vein as when canon did, so nothing too graphic. Also, angst. LOTS of angst. (With a some sweetness by the end, no worries! ^^") **_

_**Set during the four years Zero and Yuki lived together before the start of the main series. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

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**His Sanctuary**

"This procedure should help suppress your vampire instincts for a time," Kaien Cross said, gazing with trepidation at the boy sitting in the chair at his side. "It's not a guarantee, however. So, don't raise your hopes. Do you understand me, Zero?"

They were alone, with an anti-vampire spell specialist, in one of the lonely dungeon-like rooms deep underground in the Vampire Hunters' Headquarters. Kaien Cross, founding headmaster of Cross Academy and former vampire knight, hated visiting the Vampire Hunter's Society if he could help it, but Zero Kiryu was a unique situation.

In any other world, Kaien Cross would rather do the most heinous of crimes than subject a boy, a child, really, to this medieval ritual. But Zero was a powerful asset to the Society and as good as a son in Cross's eyes. If this would help the boy...

Cross inhaled and exhaled deeply, steadying his nerves, wondering why _he_ was the one who was anxious. He tried once more: "I must warn you, again, though: this will be extremely painful. Some have nearly died from the sheer agony. And oftentimes, it proves to be a vain effort anyway. Are you _quite_ sure you want to go through with this, Zero?"

Zero gripped the chair's arms. "Just hurry up and do it, Headmaster," he said through gritted teeth, with a surprising ferocity coming from a thirteen-year-old's voice. His violet eyes betrayed nothing to counter this command, only revealing the constant haunted look of hatred that never left him since the night he lost his family.

Kaien Cross stared at the boy sadly for a moment before sighing and motioning the tattoo artist to come over. Just before the ritual began, Cross couldn't resist adding to his ward, his voice extra gentle, "It's okay to cry out or scream if it becomes too painful. You know that, don't you, Zero?"

Zero glared silently at the wall opposite him, refusing to acknowledge his "adopted" father.

Throughout the entire two-hour-long process in which the vampire prevention tattoo was painstakingly drawn on Zero's exposed neck, subjecting him to excruciating pain due to the changes happening in his body, he never once made a sound nor shed a tear. He simply kept his glare fixed on the wall, without wavering, and never blinking longer than could be deemed an expression of discomfort.

Only his knuckles gave a sign of his suffering, growing increasingly whiter as he clung to his seat in a sort of death-grip.

.

.

.

His neck wouldn't stop throbbing. It was frustrating, like an itch you cannot soothe.

Worst of all, the tattoo was where _she_ had bitten him.

Initially, Zero had approved of where the tattoo would be placed. If this anti-vampire spell would simultaneously cover the source of his curse, where _that woman's_ fangs had sunk into his flesh, perhaps it would help suppress his nightmares as well as his vampire instincts.

But now, alone in his bed, he felt the old urge to scratch, to claw, at his skin.

He wanted to draw his blood. To tear his body apart, rip his skin off, let himself bleed to death.

_Anything_ was better than the unfortunate fate which awaited him...

He moved his hand, trembling, his fingers tensed like claws, braced over his neck... he could feel his blood pulsating with this undeniable need to maim himself, to feel himself bleed out... because that was what monsters like him deserved... because he lived while his family was long dead...

His nails began to dig into his flesh, and then-

_"It'll be all right..."_

Just as quickly as the urge to self-harm washed over him, suddenly it vanished. The headmaster's adopted daughter told him those words once, when he was locked in one of his darkest moments.

_"You'll be all right... So, it's okay, Zero..."_

Zero took a shuddering breath and lowered his hand, flexing his joints to release the tension. Breathing hard, he encircled his arms about himself, hugging himself, caving into an almost fetal position.

There were no tears on his face, but his heart was crying louder than it had in a long time.

Now that the moment passed, Zero suddenly realized how cold the room was. He shivered, tucking himself deeper into his bed's covers, curling deeper into himself, but not feeling any warmer. He stared, wide-eyed at the blank wall next to him, too shaken to close his eyes.

After coming so close to another relapse of self-harming, sleep would be of no comfort to him. Not yet. He needed to calm down first. Right now, he knew that the moment he let his eyelids fall, the burned images of _that night_ would play out like a movie.

So, for now, he'd try to stay warm. And not sleep.

When his treacherous eyelids began to droop, he dug his nails into his arm, willing the pain to keep him awake. Hurting his arm wasn't as painful or dangerous as his neck, and it would serve its purpose to keep him alert. Endure it, he told himself, even as he winced at the sharp pain with elongated nails – he tried not to think about why they were growing steadily longer – because this temporary hurt was leagues better than the agonizing horror he faced in his dreams.

They were always the same.

It had been a whole year, and his dreams never once stopped reminding him of his terrible loss.

Even getting that damned tattoo didn't stop him from fearing his own dreams.

He gripped his arm, digging his nails hard into his flesh without drawing blood. His thirst for a painful death had withdrawn, but he still needed this hurt to survive the night.

Zero grunted in pain, relieved that this method was working.

Then, moments later, he heard the telltale pitter-patting of footsteps outside in the hall, and a soft, timid knock on his door.

He groaned again, but this time not in pain.

"Go away, Yuki," he called as gruffly as he could manage in his sleep-deprived state. He inwardly cursed at the unmistakable quiver in his voice. Now she definitely wouldn't go away. He burrowed himself deeper in his covers, loosening his hands from his arms, but still maintaining his tight grip about himself.

The door creaked open. He didn't have to face the door to know who stood there. So, he obstinately kept his back to her, curling in on himself, absolutely despising his weakness. Yes, those awful nightmares were the bane of his existence, yes, his past could not be erased, but somehow it was nothing compared to the humiliation of being comforted by her.

A useless, naïve girl who's in love with a Pureblood vampire.

This same girl came to his side many times over the past year, with tender hands and soft eyes and kind words. It made Zero feel sick. Not because of her compassion, but rather by how terribly, desperately he _needed_ it.

Needed... her.

"How many times do I have to tell you to get lost?" he grumbled over his shoulder.

The light from the hall outside cast her shadow over his bed. He couldn't see her face and yet could imagine her exact expression. Those damned beautiful eyes of hers that were as captivating as they were devastating.

He couldn't stand that pitying look in her eyes whenever he was like this.

And yet, it gave him a warmth in his chest that nothing else ever had.

She spoke then, softly. "Zero... I'm sorry for getting upset about your tattoo. It must have hurt, having it put on."

Was that it? That was what was bothering her? Zero had completely forgotten her over-the-top reaction when he came home earlier, sore and stiff from the anguish he had endured silently. He didn't particularly care what she had thought. Yuki always blew things out of proportion.

He snorted, and tried to sound off-hand. "Don't worry about it. You're just a drama-"

Suddenly, her hands were covering his head. Zero stopped talking abruptly, his breath caught in his throat, as he felt her delicate fingers move over his neck, where she felt the scratch marks he'd left.

"Zero. You're hurt."

She said the words quietly, almost hoarsely, as if voicing the words inflicted pain upon herself. Zero froze, not sure what to do, or how to respond. His mind was screaming at her, though, screaming to stop worrying about others all the damn time, to stop worrying about him, he didn't deserve her kindness -

Zero began trembling, shivering uncontrollably, completely undone under Yuki's touch. His eyes remained dry, but his heart was aching. He wanted her touch, he wanted her small, warm body pressed against him. He didn't want anything beyond that, just her presence, her comfort...

As if she read his mind, Yuki crawled onto the bed next to him, gently lifting up the blanket until she was covered with him. Zero held his breath, his heart pounding, as he felt her lay down alongside him, and her arms encircle his waist. She rested her head against his back, and her voice came out muffled yet Zero clung on to every word:

"I'm here, Zero. I'm here."

Yes. Yes. That was all he needed. All he could ever ask for.

Zero released his breath, and with a lump in his throat, managed to say back, "Stay with me?"

"Mmmhmm."

Zero lowered a shaking hand from his arm to grasp Yuki's hand, who clung back with an equally powerful grip. Her warmth against his body was soothing, and Zero realized that he stopped feeling cold the moment she joined him in bed. When she embraced him, he felt at peace, and something that resembled … happiness. Holding her hand, feeling her breath against his back... there was nothing like it.

This feeling could only mean one thing... He loved Yuki Cross. With every fiber of his being.

At last, he let the tears run down his cheeks, silently, with only the feeling of her small body against his preventing him from sobbing out loud. Gripping her hand in his own, he made a silent promise.

Even if she'd never love him back, even if she continued pining over that Pureblood, as long as she stayed by his side, that was all that mattered. And no matter what, he'd support her, protect her... love her from afar.

For the first time in a year, he forgot about his fate of transforming into a vampire.

For the first time in a year, he slept dreamlessly.

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_**AN: **__**Omg. I have now officially written my first Vampire Knight fic! *happy dance* I've been an avid fangirl of the manga since 2008, so this is exciting to say the least. Sadly, I'm very much aware that the fandom has pretty died out since the main series ended, so I'm late to the party ^^" But my love for the series has never ceased! Favorite manga of all time, to this day! **_

_**Please leave a review! **_


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